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Medical Humour |
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This Page is
Maintained
by Dr
Vishal Vatts.
Dr Vatts
will accept
any medical
jokes and
humours
articles to
bring some
fun on this
website. It
would be
preferable
if you could
submit
original
jokes and
the jokes
that do not
infringe any
copyrights. |
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Please
submit all
your jokes
using the
submit
article link
above. |
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I am a
medical
student
currently
doing a
rotation in
toxicology
at the
poison
control
centre.
Today, this
woman called
in very
upset
because she
caught her
little
daughter
eating ants.
I quickly
reassured
her that the
ants are not
harmful and
there would
be no need
to bring her
daughter
into the
hospital.
She calmed
down, and at
the end of
the
conversation
she happened
to mention
that she
gave her
daughter
some ant
poison to
eat in order
to kill the
ants. I told
her that she
better bring
her daughter
in to the ER
right away.
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A little boy
was taken to
the dentist.
It was
discovered
that he had
a cavity
that would
have to be
filled.
"Now, young
man," asked
the dentist,
"what kind
of filling
would you
like for
that tooth?"
"Chocolate,
please,"
replied the
youngster
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A man asked
his doctor
if he
thought he'd
live to be a
hundred. The
doctor asked
the man, "Do
you smoke or
drink?"
"No," he
replied,
"I've never
done
either."
"Do you
gamble,
drive fast
cars, and
fool around
with women?"
inquired the
doctor.
"No, I've
never done
any of those
things
either."
"Are you a
Christian or
some kind of
a religious
person?"
"No, I don't
believe in
anything."
"Well then,"
said the
doctor,
"what do you
want to live
to be a
hundred
for?"
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Patient to
eye doctor:
"I'm very
worried
about the
outcome of
this
operation,
doctor. What
are the
chances?"
Eye doctor
to patient:
"Don't worry
you won't be
able to see
the
difference."
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Doctor: You
only have
six months
to live.
Man: I can't
pay the
bill.
Doctor:
Alright,
I'll give
you another
six months.
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A man goes
to the
doctor and
says to the
doctor:
"It hurts
when I press
here"
(pressing
his side)
"And when I
press here"
(pressing
the other
side)
"And here"
(his leg)
"And here,
here and
here" (his
other leg,
and both
arms)
So the
doctor
examined him
all over and
finally
discovered
what was
wrong...
"You've got
a broken
finger!"
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How do you
tell the
difference
between male
chromosomes
and female
chromosomes?
Pull down
their genes!
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Who is a
psychiatrist?
One who
doesn't have
any problem
until other
people have
problems.
Someone who
asks a lot
of expensive
questions
your wife
asks for
nothing.
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What is the
difference
between an
oral and
rectal
thermometer?
The Taste !
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Doctor: I
have some
bad news and
some very
bad news.
Patient:
Well, might
as well give
me the bad
news first.
Doctor: The
lab called
with your
test
results.
They said
you have 24
hours to
live.
Patient: 24
hours!
That's
terrible!
What could
be worse?
What's the
very bad
news?
Doctor: I've
been trying
to reach you
since
yesterday.
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Doctor: Did
you take the
patient's
temperature?
Nurse: No.
Is it
missing?
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Patient:
Doctor, if I
give up
wine, women,
and smoking,
will I live
longer?
Doctor: Not
really. It
will just
seem longer.
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Patient:
Well, doc,
what does
the X-ray of
my head
show?
Doctor:
Nothing.
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Patient:
Doctor, is
there
anything
worse than
being old
and bent?
Doctor: Yes
there
is...being
young and
broke.
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Patient (to
cosmetic
surgeon):
Will it
hurt,
doctor?
Surgeon:
Only when
you get my
bill, Mrs
Brown.
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Doctor: Did
you know
that there
are more
than 200
bones in the
human body?
Tom: Shhh,
doctor! My
dog's
outside in
the waiting
room!
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Operator,
operator,
call me an
ambulance!!!
Okay, sir,
you're an
ambulance! |
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